April 2011
Dieting is fun when you're unemployed...
Just checked the ATM to see if I had any money for dinner. That automated laugh must be a new feature. Unemployment is tough. For example, the unemployed have a different kind of Secret Santa, where we dress up like him and silently weep while a stranger’s wet-bottomed kid reads from his list. I really do need to look for work. but I refuse to hit the pavement, mainly because it has a...
Putting the fun back into suicide...
There’s nothing funny about suicide, except for maybe when clowns try to kill themselves using balloon animals. They say that hanging is one of the most peaceful ways to go, but I have also heard that ghosts are notorious liars. I’ve actually been told that new age music can be used as a suicide preventative, so at least you can go to heaven when the neighbors kill you. ...
An American Diet of Shame
Face it, Americans are fat. The problem is fairly simple. There is not enough shame served up with our gluttony of meals. That’s where my Bathroom Scale of Ubiquitous Shame plan comes in. There is no reasonable reason (haha) that each and every place that sells food does not have a bathroom scale in place at the checkout counter, where its piggish patrons MUST stand in order to make their...
